


Maybe It's Okay

by firefliesinlove



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Sad, Spoilers, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 22:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14554665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firefliesinlove/pseuds/firefliesinlove
Summary: SPOILERS for INFINITY WAR Part 1Peter's thoughts on Titan as things fade away.-----He wanted to tell Mr. Stark how important the last few years had been to him. How much he appreciated Tony's help. How amazing the suit was. How ridiculous it was that Iron Man himself wanted to mentor him. Him! How he loved his help and attention and discipline and even his stupid rules like not putting himself in danger when he could avoid it or saving his spider suit for dire emergencies only. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him. But when he opened his mouth his panic took over."I don't want to go."





	1. Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still reeling from Infinity War Part 1. I was OK until the exchange between Peter & Tony on Titan. I feel so broken inside. I just needed to get this out.

It was stupid, really, or so Peter thought. Here he was dying and all he could think was how he'd forgotten to tell everyone how much he loved them. He'd run out of his home so fast, in such a hurry to get to school so he didn't miss the bus and he was so late already. If he'd just stopped for a second - _just one!_ \- he might not have forgotten to tell his Aunt May that he loved her before he left on his _stupid_ school field trip. Maybe if he'd stayed for a few more seconds on that uncomfortable school bus before rushing over to the alien ship he'd have remembered to tell Ned how much his friendship meant to him. And Mr. Stark?  
  
Peter's eyes burned as he looked up into the wild eyes of the genius above him. His breath hitched as he tried to grab Tony's arms and realized he couldn't actually feel anything below his shoulders. He felt tears track down his cheeks and choked back a sob.  
  
He wanted to tell Mr. Stark how important the last few years had been to him. How much he appreciated Tony's help. How amazing the suit was. How ridiculous it was that Iron Man himself wanted to mentor him. _Him!_ How he loved his help and attention and discipline and even his _stupid rules_ like not putting himself in danger when he could avoid it or saving his spider suit for dire emergencies only. He wanted to tell him how much he _loved_ him. But when he opened his mouth his panic took over.  
  
"I don't want to go. _Please_ , I don't want to go!" Peter sobbed. "I don't want to _die_. Please!"  
  
And Tony was just there. Not doing anything and doing everything all the same. Eyes fiercely locked to his. Unable to help and unwilling to leave him alone. Face full of fear and uncertainty and heart-breaking grief.  
  
Peter tried to take a breath but he couldn't. He was numb but still he could feel his body disintegrate into ash and nothingness.  
  
Distantly he realized he was becoming nothing. No more Peter Parker. No more sleepovers with Ned. No more decathlons or hanging out with MJ. No more home cooked meals with Aunt May. No more helping to stop the bad guys and keep his neighbourhood safe. No more sleeping in until noon on weekends and staying up until 3AM on weeknights as he scrambled to finish assignments after patrolling the city. No more friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man.  
  
He looked away from Mr. Stark and gazed up at the ashen sky, towards the debris of centuries' past floating by. A graveyard for the old, for the outdated, for the unimportant - a resting place for a whole lot of nothing. And, Peter thought grimly to himself, he was going to become exactly that.  
  
He noticed Mr. Stark lean in closer and he thought back to how mere hours ago he'd been welcomed into the Avengers by Iron Man himself. So maybe he wasn't nothing or unimportant or outdated. Maybe he was dying but maybe he wouldn't be forgotten. Maybe his friends and his family would know how much he loved them, even if he was too preoccupied to say it today. Maybe the people he'd saved would remember him, if only in name. Maybe the bad guys wouldn't forget how he'd stopped them from doing something illegal and dangerous. Maybe everything would be okay even if Peter wasn't.  
  
Tony spoke and Peter thought he must have a hundred cotton balls stuck in his ears. It was an effort to listen and Tony sounded so far away and muffled. " _You're okay._ "  
  
Peter thought he might still be crying but he couldn't feel anything anymore. A blanket of cold numbness had settled itself over him.  
  
"You're alright." Tony's voice cracked. Peter wanted to reassure him but he couldn't breathe, let alone speak. He wanted to tell Tony that it wasn't his fault. That _he'd_ decided to hitch a ride on the ship. That, no matter what, it wasn't on Tony to shoulder the responsibility. And how Peter may have never had a father but he felt Tony would definitely be a good one. And he was. A good father, that is. And, maybe, Tony would have a chance again if he and Pepper ever decided to try. Peter felt it was important that Tony knew and still he couldn't say anything. He tried but no words came out.  
  
Peter watched as a cloud of ash floated up from him, brushed against the side of Mr. Stark's face, and reached up towards the sky. He knew he should feel sick or upset and he was surprised at the emptiness, the lack of feeling, that he felt in its stead.  
  
"You're alright."  
  
Peter considered Tony's words as his vision dimmed and split into shards like a dizzying kaleidoscope of brown and grey.  
  
He was so far from all right. He was dying. ' _But_ ,' he thought as his awareness started to fade, ' _Tony and Aunt May and Ned will be okay._ ' It was the only thing he knew for sure in that moment.  
  
He felt a certain peace settle over him.  
  
A roaring silence gripped him, then, and he gave into the darkness.


	2. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wakes up, much to his surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An AU ending to this story as I don't know much about what's going to happen in Infinity War Part 2. I'd like to think that everything will be okay even if, right now, it feels as though nothing is.

Pain. It was the first thing Peter noticed when he came to. Pain _everywhere_. He tried to move and gasped as the pain spiked in his head. It was all he could do to just breathe through it.  
  
When the pain evened out he opened his eyes to complete darkness. Panic seized him as he remembered his final moments on Titan. He wondered if this was the afterlife. Was he in hell? Was this his punishment for not following the rules? Not listening to the adults in his life? His breath caught in his throat and for a second he forgot how to breathe.  
  
"Peter?" A familiar voice sounded somewhere off to his left. " _Peter._ "  
  
A moment later and blinding light filled his vision and overwhelmed his senses. He squinted and blinked furiously as his eyes struggled to bring any one thing into focus. Suddenly the lights dimmed and he found his eyes relaxed quickly. He sighed in relief.  
  
"How do you feel?"  
  
Peter turned his head towards the voice and noticed a messy blob that hovered nearby. He blinked a few times before his eyes properly focused. Tony smiled down at him. Peter tried to say something but he couldn't. He felt as though his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth. He felt sluggish and confused. Hadn't he just died? hadn't he turned into a pile of ash and nothing? Hadn't Thanos won, after all?  
  
Tony held out a glass with a straw and pressed the straw to his mouth. "Drink this."  
  
Peter managed a few mouthfuls of wonderfully soothing water before Tony pulled the glass away. Peter whimpered at the loss.  
  
"I know, I know. You can have some more later." Tony set the glass down on what Peter thought must be a bedside table. Feeling came back to him in little bits, much as it had been taken away back on Titan. He felt a pillow beneath his head and a blanket that covered his shoulders. He wondered if he was at home or somewhere else. He licked his lips and opened his mouth.  
  
"W-what happened?" His voice sounded so hoarse and foreign. As though these were the first words he'd ever spoken. He tried to look down at the rest of his body but all he could see was a soft white blanket.  
  
Tony rested his hand on Peter's shoulder. "You missed a lot, kid." He was silent for a moment before he continued. "But you're back. And that's - that's all that matters now."  
  
Peter frowned and screwed his eyes shut. He could remember fighting Thanos on Titan and crumbling into dust. His stomach lurched and he swallowed at the bile that burned the back of his throat.  
  
"Thanos?"  
  
"He's gone. Never have to think about that blue bastard again. Uh, forget I said that word, please. Your Aunt will _end_ me."  
  
Peter let out a huff of laughter that turned into a cough. He felt Tony squeeze his shoulder. He focused on his breaths for a few moments before he trusted himself to speak again.  
  
"Everything good now?" He looked over at Tony and wondered, briefly, why the man was here instead of his aunt. "Everyone o-okay?"  
  
"Yeah." Tony was quiet again for a moment before he continued. "And so are you."  
  
"Thanks." Said Peter as he closed his eyes again. He was exhausted through and though and still in considerable pain. He felt as though he'd been torn apart and stitched back together again. He wondered if that was exactly what had happened.  
  
He heard Tony sigh heavily and the hand on his shoulder disappeared. He shivered at the cold spot that the hand had left behind. A moment later arms gripped him under his shoulders, pulled him upright and leaned him up against a headboard. He opened his eyes again to see Tony who held the same glass in his right hand and a few multi-coloured pills in his left.  
  
"Take these." Tony murmured gently. "They'll help with the pain. The nausea, too."  
  
"I'm not - " Protested Peter but he stopped as Tony frowned and pressed his lips into a thin line. "Okay."  
  
Peter was glad he could feel his arms again. He managed to hold the glass of water for a few seconds to help wash down the pills before Tony took it back and set it down on the bedside table.  
  
"Peter." Tony started. He looked uncertain and that made Peter's heart seem to want to leap out of his chest. Tony Stark? _Uncertain?_ Peter thought maybe he'd seen that look before, back on Titan. "Why did you thank me?"  
  
Peter blushed and swallowed at a lump in his throat. "For... for the suit. And always being there. For saving me and -" He swallowed at a lump in his throat. "- And for not giving up on me."  
  
The room was silent for a few moments before Tony spoke. "You mean everything to me." Tony looked away. "Did you know that? You're just a kid and - " He took a deep breath. "- and you're _my_ kid. _My responsibility._ "  
  
Peter considered that for a moment. He'd never wanted Tony to feel responsible for what happened to him. But that wasn't what he'd said. Not _really_. He'd said _"you're my kid"_  and Peter didn't know how to process that. He blinked and stared and blinked again. His pain was fading but he felt the exhaustion winning out.  
  
Peter watched as Tony got up and suddenly he felt the urge to stop him. He didn't want Tony to leave. He didn't think he could stand being alone. He wasn't sure he knew how to handle it anymore.  
  
"Mr. - Mr. Stark, please-" Peter took a shaky breath and frowned. "Please don't go."  
  
Tony froze and turned around. He stared at Peter for a moment. "I'm not going anywhere, kid." Tony turned back around, swiftly crossed the room, and opened a door Peter hadn't noticed before. Tony stuck his head out into the hall and called for someone. Peter couldn't quite hear who. Before he could think about it for too long, Aunt May, Ned and MJ filed into the room one after another. Peter blinked back a few tears.  
  
"Oh, Peter!" Aunt May was the first in the room and she bolted to him. She reached out hesitantly and brushed back the hair from his forehead. She relaxed a little as he smiled. "You're okay."  
  
Peter reached a hand out of the blanket and caught May's hand before she had the chance to play with his hair again. He wondered how unruly his hair must be after having died and come back to life. He decided he didn't much care either way.  
  
Ned and MJ hovered near the end of the bed. Neither looked as though they knew what to do or what to say. Peter thought that was okay. He knew what he needed to say. To all of them. He looked up at his aunt.  
  
"I love you, Aunt May." The feeling and the words were everything to him in that moment. He felt Aunt May squeeze his hand and it gave him strength as he turned and looked up at Ned and MJ who looked back down at him. "I love you guys."  
  
Peter took a deep breath and turned to Tony who leaned against the wall nearest the door. "I love _all_ of you. I didn't think - I didn't think I would ever - ever get the chance to..." Peter trailed off.  
  
Tony seemed to tense for a moment before he pushed off the wall and walked towards the bed, his brows drawn together. He had a look on his face that suggested he knew what Peter had been trying to say.  
  
"Peter." Tony said as he sat down in the chair next to the bed on the opposite side as his Aunt May. "Kid." Tony worked his jaw for a moment before he continued again. "You're okay."  
  
Peter stared. He eyelids grew heavy the longer he watched Mr. Stark.  
  
"You're alright." Peter felt an echo of those words from before he'd dissolved into nothingness. Despite his exhaustion he started to shake from the sheer power of the memory. Tony reached out and easily caught Peter's free hand in his own. "Everything's okay now."  
  
Peter suddenly felt warm and safe and, for the first time in a while, he felt truly _okay_. He could breathe easily. He let his eyelids drift shut, surrounded by his family. Everything and everyone that mattered to Peter was in that room. Not only did he feel okay, but he trusted Mr. Stark when the man told him that everything would be fine. He was comforted to know he hadn't turned into nothing, after all, back on Titan. The feeling of both his hands in warm but very different hands helped to ground him to the present and chase away the nightmares of the past.  
  
Peter strained to hear Tony's final whisper before he fell asleep, a small smile on his face.  
  
" _Love you, too, kiddo._ "


End file.
